My grandfather readily shared his views about most things in life. Whether it was boats, caravans or his particular passion for good customer service, he wasn’t afraid to share his thoughts with anyone willing to listen.

One of those firm views, which he would share every now and then, was that he did not want a traditional funeral.

Today, many families are finding themselves in situations where a loved one has expressed similar wishes, or where a formal service doesn’t quite feel like the right fit. Sometimes wishes are clearly expressed and sometimes it’s less defined. But without a traditional ceremony there to be followed, it can leave a sense of uncertainty about what to do instead.

Aside from having an established place in many world cultures and religions, funerals have also long played an important role in helping people come together to reflect on someone they’ve lost and to say goodbye. For some people, funerals remain a valued step in the grieving process.

But there are many ways to say goodbye. When either the scale, the style or the process of a traditional funeral isn’t desired, many families still look to find an alternative.

That’s something we felt ourselves when my grandfather died in 2024. In our case, a conversation we had a few years earlier helped guide us. He would have a simple cremation followed by planting a tree for him at home with his ashes interred underneath it. He had said he really liked the idea of becoming a tree. So, we at least had a starting point.

For families in a similar position, there are many ways to mark the end of a life with a sense of togetherness, whether it’s alongside a traditional funeral, after it or in place of one.

That might look like:

In our case, we took our time to plan our own take on an informal “memorial day”. We invited close friends and family round to look at old photos, reminisce and plant my grandad's memorial tree in a pot in our garden. It was an uplifting, shared experience. It helped us gently close one chapter and begin another.

Whether there is a traditional funeral or not, the need to remember doesn’t disappear. And the truth is that it never takes place over just a single day. The act of remembrance is ongoing. For some, that means visiting a resting place or a somewhere that holds meaning. For others, it's found in looking through and sharing photographs, or from telling the story of the life that was lived. 

Whatever you choose, there’s no single format to follow, only what feels right for you, your family and whoever you’re remembering.